


Skin in the Game

by Marks



Series: Skinship [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Buying condoms, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Getting Together, Light Angst, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, Phone Sex, Porn Watching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2019-01-06 09:38:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12208629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marks/pseuds/Marks
Summary: "How's it meant to be different?" Yamaguchi asked in a rush. "From doing it with girls, I mean."Tsukishima glanced at Yamaguchi; he'd gone very red in the face, making the freckles on his cheeks nearly invisible. Quickly, Tsukishima looked away again. "Should I send you some links the way Hinata does?""No, no!" said Yamaguchi, but then he paused. "Well, maybe. If you think it would help."





	Skin in the Game

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Tsukishima's birthday, though it's no longer his birthday and has nothing to do with his birthday. Ah well. Enjoy the emotional porn and the actual porn.
> 
> Comments and kudos always appreciated! My tumblr and twitter are listed in my profile. :D

"Come over here and help me," Tsukishima demanded.  
   
Yamaguchi shook his head, poking around a display of prawn chips. "I'm not doing that."  
   
Tsukishima didn't stamp his foot in the aisle, but it was a near thing. "You're the one who told me to put myself out there, and so I did, and now you're going to help me pick out condoms because I don't know what I'm doing."  
   
"And you think I do!?" Yamaguchi exclaimed loudly, then slapped a hand over his mouth when an older woman walking by gave him a dirty look. Tsukishima snickered, then felt triumphant because Yamaguchi snuck into the aisle then, looking around furtively like the condom police were going to swoop in and arrest them. "I haven't --" Yamaguchi said in a low voice, his eyes shifty. "When would I have --?"  
   
"No?" Tsukishima asked. "Not at all? Huh. You dated Noto-san for six months, so I just assumed."  
   
"Tsukki, I tell you when I've broken my shoelace. You think I had _sex_ with Mei-chan and never let you in on it?"  
   
Tsukishima shrugged. "Sometimes you wait a while to tell me important stuff."  
   
Yamaguchi considered this. "I guess," he said. "But we still broke it off a long time ago and it's not like you liked her or anything."  
   
"Definitely not." Tsukishima snorted. No, in that relationship, it hadn't been Mei who interested him. But that was all in the past now, and Tsukishima had mostly made peace with it. "What do you think of these?" He pulled a box off a shelf and shoved it at Yamaguchi, mostly to watch him take it without protest, realize what he was holding, and then flail around as he tossed it into the air. Tsukishima put the box back on the shelf when Yamaguchi pressed it into his hands.  
   
"So," Yamaguchi said, scuffing his foot against the linoleum, "you and Kaname have, like, talked about this? You haven't been going out that long."  
   
Tsukishima paused. "Not exactly."  
   
"Tsukki!"  
   
"It's not bad to be prepared, is it?" Tsukishima asked. He always felt better if he was ready for every eventuality, and the truth was Tsukishima was curious about the whole thing. So far they hadn't gone much further than kissing, but he surprised himself by liking it as much as he had.  
   
He remembered how relieved he was when he realized why nothing happened when Yamaguchi showed him links to videos that Hinata had sent, then worried about how everyone would take it, and then relieved again when everyone felt about the same about him as they had before. Then he found out he was far from the only one at Karasuno. And then Kaname Shun from class three confessed, and Tsukishima accepted. It hurt Tsukishima's neck if they stood up to kiss for too long because he was a lot taller, but it was better when they were lying down, and no matter where they were, Tsukishima had a hard time holding back. Kaname had messy brown hair, a huge smile, and Tsukishima liked it when he'd rub against Tsukishima's thigh while they made out.  
   
Yamaguchi plucked a box off the shelf himself this time, and flipped it over to read the warnings. "Prepared, huh?" he murmured to himself, his forehead wrinkled up in concentration. "I suppose it's not a bad thing. Tsukki, did you know these are only 97% effective in preventing pregnancy?"  
   
Tsukishima raised his eyebrows. "More effective than that for me, I'd wager."  
   
"What?" Yamaguchi said, and then his eyes went wide. "Oh! Of course, duh. I'm stupid."  
   
"Shut up, Yamaguchi," Tsukishima said. He grabbed the same brand Yamaguchi had, and a tube of lubricant. It had a wide flip top, which seemed practical. "You're not stupid."  
   
"Sorry, Tsukki!" Yamaguchi chirped automatically. "Tsukki? Uh, how – how will you – I mean, how do --"  
   
"Spit it out."  
   
"How's it meant to be different?" Yamaguchi asked in a rush. "From doing it with girls, I mean."  
   
Tsukishima glanced at Yamaguchi; he'd gone very red in the face, making the freckles on his cheeks nearly invisible. Quickly, Tsukishima looked away again. "Should I send you some links the way Hinata does?"  
   
"No, no!" said Yamaguchi, but then he paused. "Well, maybe. If you think it would help."  
   
Tsukishima rolled his eyes. "I’m teasing you, Yamaguchi. I know you're not really interested in watching two men have sex. And you don't have to. That's way outside supportive friend boundaries." At least Tsukishima was pretty sure it was; he wasn't always the best at social cues and sometimes what Yamaguchi thought was normal turned out to be way above and beyond what was expected.  
   
"I am interested!" Yamaguchi protested.  
   
Tsukishima's head whipped around again. Yamaguchi rubbed the back of his head sheepishly and wouldn’t meet Tsukishima’s eyes.  
   
"I'm interested in the mechanics. Like, scientifically," Yamaguchi said.

"Scientifically," Tsukishima echoed. "Fine. I’ll find some anatomical literature for you later. So you can bone up on the mechanics."

Yamaguchi snorted at Tsukishima’s word choice, and Tsukishima’s mouth quirked up. "Send me the good stuff, too. Your favorites," Yamaguchi added, and if had been anyone else, Tsukishima would have thought they were flirting. But that was just Yamaguchi. Tsukishima took his purchases up to the cashier and was surprised when Yamaguchi was right behind him, getting the exact same things.

"It’s not bad to be prepared, right?" Yamaguchi asked.

"Right," Tsukishima agreed and shoved the condoms deep into his school bag.  "Watch the expiration date on those, though," he said, calling over his shoulder as he walked ahead. "They only last three to five years."  
   
Behind him, he could hear Yamaguchi freeze in his tracks. "Tsukki, that’s _mean_ ," he yelled, before he jogged to catch up.  
   
*  
   
It was after eleven by the time Tsukishima was done talking to his parents and getting all his homework done. Being the only child living at home and cram school on top of twice a day volleyball practice was beginning to take its toll. He wondered if next year he’d retire early from the club to focus on getting into university, but just the thought alone made his stomach turn over unhappily.  
   
He scrolled through his phone. Akiteru had emailed him a picture of two cats cuddling that he’d spotted on his way to work, and Tsukishima reminded himself not to tell him about how much he wanted to play volleyball till the end of the season next year. It would delight his brother too much, and then he’d start crying, and then Tsukishima would have to spend twenty minutes convincing Akiteru that yes he liked the cat pictures he sent every day, just so he’d calm down.  
   
Kaname had messaged him, too. _i hope your day was terrific, kei!!!!!!_ it read, followed by a sickening number of sparkly emoji. Tsukishima wondered why Kaname texted like they hadn’t seen each other in weeks, even though they’d had lunch together earlier and Tsukishima had even stolen two kisses outside the bathroom.  
   
"He uses too many exclamation points," Tsukishima decided out loud, but he thought he liked him using his given name. He closed his eyes and tried to think about how Kaname’s voice would sound saying _Kei_ out loud, but a new message from Yamaguchi interrupted his thoughts and all that came to him was Yamaguchi’s earlier worries over Tsukishima being right about the condoms expiring before he had a chance to use them.  
   
_tsukki!!!_ Yamaguchi’s text read. _don’t forget about the mechanics!!_  
   
Tsukishima sent Kaname a quick message back, saying _It was fine. I’ll see you tomorrow at lunch_ , and then he emailed Yamaguchi a couple of clinical health pamphlet pdfs from his laptop. Yamaguchi replied immediately with a series of angry faces sticking out their tongues.  
   
_that isn’t what i meant and u kno it!!_  
   
_But these show all the mechanics. They’re very scientific._ Tsukishima added a sticker with a bubbling beaker. The thing was, he didn’t outright want to say that he was uncomfortable sending Yamaguchi gay porn; after all, Yamaguchi and Hinata sent links back and forth all the time and it was no big deal. Even Kageyama contributed on occasion. But what Tsukishima liked wasn’t something that Yamaguchi was into, too, and while that was okay when it came to their friendship, it also made Tsukishima feel weirdly on display.  
   
Another message from Yamaguchi: _hey tsukki it’s ok if u don’t want to. sorry for pushing._  
   
That little out sent Tsukishima back in the other direction. He knew Yamaguchi wouldn’t be a jerk about this. He just liked knowing a lot about Tsukishima; he’d always been that way and this was no different. The worst thing that would happen was Yamaguchi getting a minute in and clicking out of the tab. The best thing would be – _Yamaguchi liking it_ , Tsukishima thought. He shook his head violently. No. The best thing would be greater understanding from his oldest friend.  
   
_Put on headphones_ , Tsukishima warned, and sent Yamaguchi links to a few videos. Tsukishima liked being able to picture himself in place of one of the guys, so there were a lot of bleached blonds and tall men. He sent only short vids, but one clip had a dark-haired guy with his hands tied behind his back. Tsukishima hadn’t given a lot of thought to why that one appealed to him, but he knew he found it interesting. Then, way before Yamaguchi had a chance to reply or watch, he sent one last thing.  
   
It was of a guy, alone and jerking off, only visible on camera from the neck down. He had big hands and a big dick, but he was pretty skinny otherwise and he had a smattering of freckles on his forearms. _Not as many as Yamaguchi_ , Tsukishima thought in the second before he could push the thought away again. This, he reminded himself, was an academic exercise only. Scientific. Impossible beyond that. Besides, Tsukishima had a boyfriend.   
  
The best part about it was that the guy mostly just whimpered throughout, until the last ten seconds when he seemed to fall apart. He shook and moaned so loudly and got come everywhere. Tsukishima doubted that Yamaguchi would watch all the way to the end, if he was even still clicking on the links Tsukishima sent him by then, but it was his favorite. Probably half the hits were him alone. Tsukishima sent it along with the note, _You probably already know how to do this, but I like this one, too. Anyway, I’m going to bed._  
   
Fifteen minutes later, just as Tsukishima was climbing into bed and plugging in his phone, Tsukishima got an oddly subdued _ok. goodnight, tsukki_ in reply.  
   
*  
   
Tsukishima didn’t see Yamaguchi the next day until he was changing into his slippers near the row of shoe lockers before class. They hadn’t had morning practice and Yamaguchi sent a message saying that he was running late and asking him not to wait up. This wasn’t unusual, but Yamaguchi greeting him with a determined face and blush high on his cheeks was.  
   
"Hey, Tsukki," Yamaguchi said, "can we –"  
   
He was interrupted when Kaname pushed in between them. It took Tsukishima a second to realize what was happening, and he kept staring at Yamaguchi over Kaname’s head.  
   
"Can you give us a minute?" Kaname said, looking over his shoulder at Yamaguchi, and Yamaguchi’s eyes went wide as he spluttered and flapped his hands.  
   
"Of course, of course! He’s your boyfriend after all," Yamaguchi said and laughed nervously. "I’ll see you in class, Tsukki." He ran off down the corridor as their class rep yelled at him to slow down.  
   
Tsukishima blinked curiously at Kaname. "Is everything all right?"  
   
"Hmm," Kaname said, pushing his hair off his forehead and making it even messier than it usually was. "That’s kind of the thing. Everything _is_ all right, but _just_ all right."

"What?" Tsukishima disliked it when people spoke in riddles, especially when he had the feeling he should already know what they meant.  
   
"See, the thing is, Kei –" Now that Kaname had said it out loud, Tsukishima wasn’t so sure he liked him calling him that. "I think you’re a nice person, when you think about it. You’re a good kisser, and you’re undeniably hot."

"Thanks?" Tsukishima was starting to get embarrassed. They were still by the rows of shoes where anyone could overhear.  
   
"You’re welcome," said Kaname pleasantly. "But I also don’t think you’re that into me."

Tsukishima wrinkled up his forehead. Didn’t he answer Kaname’s messages and spend time with him? Didn’t he really like it when they kissed? It apparently wasn’t his technique. And he knew that he wasn’t always the easiest person to be around, but Kaname was even calling him nice. Didn’t he just buy condoms yesterday, thinking about what might happen if they brought things to the next level? Though, he guessed, Kaname didn’t know about that.

"You’re breaking up with me?" Tsukishima asked, just to make sure.  
   
Kaname laughed. "Yeah, I guess," he said. "You just always seem so distracted when we’re together, and I don’t think this is doing either of us any favors. Don’t worry! You didn’t do anything wrong!"  
   
Then he stretched up and kissed Tsukishima’s cheek, which made Tsukishima even more embarrassed. His eyes darted all around to see if anyone had noticed them.  
   
"See?" Kaname said. "Even when I’m breaking up with you, you’re not here with me." Then he walked away.

Tsukishima sighed. At least they weren’t in the same classroom. He hefted his bag up on his shoulder and went to his own class. Yamaguchi perked up as soon as he slid into his seat. He propped his head up onto his chin and looked over.

"Did you need to talk to me about something?" Tsukishima asked. "We got interrupted."  
   
"Oh," Yamaguchi said. "Yeah. It was nothing important, Tsukki."  
   
Yamaguchi was lying. Tsukishima knew it down in his gut, just by looking at him. He didn’t know when he’d learned how to do that, but he knew he was good at it now. It snuck up on him over the last year, like some sort of radioactive superpower slowly taking over his body. Only instead of lightning powers or super speed, he was a one-man lie detector.  
   
"Wait," Yamaguchi said. "Something’s wrong."

Yamaguchi’s power, Tsukishima supposed, was reading him like a fucking book.  
   
"Kaname broke up with me."  
   
" _What?_ " shouted Yamaguchi. Several of their classmates turned in their direction at once. Tsukishima glared at them until they turned away again. "I mean, what?" Yamaguchi whispered. "You mean just now?"  
   
Tsukishima shrugged. "It’s no big deal," he said, even though he realized then that his stomach was churning and his head hurt. Sure, he and Kaname hadn’t been dating long and maybe they didn’t know each other very well, but he guessed it was true what everyone said: getting dumped felt like a punch to the gut.

"Tsukki," Yamaguchi said, his voice still soft, and he looked like he wanted to say something more, something comforting maybe, but their teacher walked in then to start class. He turned around to face the front of the room. Tsukishima stared at the back of Yamaguchi’s head for moment, before he looked down at his desk.  
   
*  
   
After practice, Tsukishima waited for Yamaguchi by the bicycle racks, his headphones on as he thumbed through his phone. Hinata and Kageyama thundered down the clubhouse stairs and tried to get him to come down the hill with them; when he didn’t answer them or even look up from his screen, they got impatient and ran off without even waiting to ask Yamaguchi.  
   
A wave of anger washed over him when he noticed Kaname’s messages listed right under Yamaguchi’s and he deleted them all in one swipe. Then he changed the name in his contacts to "Public Embarrassment" instead of just deleting him entirely. Maybe it was mean, but he also got dumped in the hallway at school and he was often mean with far less justification than that.  
   
Yamaguchi finally joined him, taking his phone right out of his hand and switching to his music while Tsukishima protested. He slid his headphones around his neck again.  
   
"Your sadness mix, Tsukki?"  
   
"What?"

"This is the playlist you listen to when you’re frustrated about something," Yamaguchi said. "Or mad at someone, or sad but trying to cover it up."

"I listen to this playlist all the time," Tsukishima said.  
   
Yamaguchi nodded. "I know." Then he turned the music off and handed Tsukishima his phone back. He shoved his hands into his pockets. "You want to come over? My dad said you could stay for dinner."  
   
"Yeah, okay," Tsukishima said. They didn’t go over each other’s houses too often during the week, post-volleyball exhaustion and homework making them both pretty much useless, but he didn’t really want to be alone right then. It was nice that Yamaguchi seemed to realize that, but the idea of just saying so made the words dry up in his throat. All he said instead was, "I’ll let my mom know."  
   
*  
   
They were in Yamaguchi’s room and on his bed after dinner, Tsukishima sitting propped up against the wall while Yamaguchi lay on his stomach with a notebook in front of him, lightly kicking the air.  
   
"I just don’t accept plasma," Yamaguchi said.  
   
"What do you mean you don’t accept plasma?" Tsukishima said. Helping Yamaguchi with his schoolwork was less annoying than helping anyone else, but he still sometimes said confusing things. "You don’t need to accept plasma. It’s one of the states of matter – solid, liquid, gas, plasma. It’s not like coming to terms with your parents’ divorce. Plasma just _is_. You own a plasma TV."  
   
"Yeah, sure, that’s reasonable and factual," Yamaguchi said, tapping his pen against the paper, "but I can’t get over it sounding fake."  
   
"The sun is made of plasma," Tsukishima added. He suddenly remembered something he’d watched, a simple explanation of how plasma became recognized as the fourth state of matter, and spotted Yamaguchi’s laptop at the foot of his bed. "Wait, I’ll get you on the right side."

"You always think your side is the right side," Yamaguchi said, but he was grinning, the same way he always did whenever he was teasing Tsukishima and things were going in a direction he liked.  
   
_Cute_ , Tsukishima thought, even though he’d promised himself he’d stop thinking about Yamaguchi that way. He was still staring at Yamaguchi as he fumbled for his laptop.  
   
"Oh, shit," Yamaguchi said when he noticed Tsukishima grabbing his laptop and opening it. "Tsukki, wait."  
   
It was too late. Yamaguchi’s laptop started autoplaying a video, two guys going at it over the back of a couch. Tsukishima stared at for a second, trying to comprehend what he was looking at, then stared at it for a second more, once he realized. He couldn’t help it; that was just his natural reaction to seeing all that skin. Then the moans started up, _loud_. Tsukishima slammed the laptop lid down again.  
   
That hadn’t been one of the links Tsukishima had sent Yamaguchi. He’d never seen that video before.  
   
"Ah," Tsukishima said. He cleared his throat. "Sorry, Yamaguchi."

Yamaguchi’s face was pressed directly into his mattress. "Shut up, Tsukki," he said, voice muffled by the bedding.  
   
"Okay," Tsukishima said softly. That made Yamaguchi turn his head a little, so one eye was visible and peeking up at Tsukishima. They stared at each other for a moment, then Tsukishima said, "My plasma video isn’t as exciting as that anyway."

Yamaguchi groaned and laughed, and things seemed to go back to normal again. Sure, Tsukishima felt a buzz of anticipation just under his skin, but that was easy enough to ignore.  
   
But later when he was on his way home, the buzz was still there, annoying as a mosquito or Hinata. He had his phone in his pocket and he kept reaching in to take it out, then yanking his hand out again. 

"Calm down, idiot," he muttered to himself.  
   
It was just Yamaguchi. He wouldn’t care. The day had been so eventful that it felt like years since Tsukishima had sent him all those links, but really, it had just been yesterday. Being curious was normal; clearly Yamaguchi had been curious or he wouldn’t have gone out to find new things on his own. Did that mean he’d watched everything that Tsukishima sent him, even the last one? Did Yamaguchi like them so much that he wanted to see more? Did it mean that Yamaguchi was into guys, too? The thought literally stopped him in his tracks, leaving him frozen under a streetlamp two blocks away from his house.  
   
Tsukishima pulled out his phone before he could second-guess himself. _Hey, send me that thing_ , he texted Yamaguchi, trusting that he’d know what Tsukishima meant. The read receipt popped up a second later, but there was no reply. Okay. Yamaguchi was going to ignore it completely. That was okay. That was fine. Absolutely fine. He forced himself to start walking again and was just calling to his mother that he was home when he got a new message.  
   
It was from Yamaguchi and just a link, no commentary, but the buzz underneath Tsukishima’s skin went from mosquitos to bees.  
   
*  
   
Tsukishima forced himself through normal family interactions and waited until he was in his room with the door locked before putting on his headphones and clicking on Yamaguchi’s link. His palms were already sweaty and he rubbed them against the sides of his pajama pants. His stomach felt like a load of butterflies were trapped inside; having complicated feelings never sat well with him and now he was having a bunch all at once.  
   
Was this what it was like every time Yamaguchi and Hinata sent links to each other? He couldn’t picture it, so maybe he was just a weirdo.  
   
The video had something that passed for production values and a plotline. The guys were in college and friends, one experienced and one interested in experimenting. The experimenting one stammered and hesitated until the experienced one tilted up his chin and told him exactly what the other one wanted. There was even kissing, which Tsukishima was surprisingly into, leaning forward at the wet flash of tongue that appeared between their mouths.  
   
Truthfully, the rest of the plot moved too quickly for reality, but it was a twenty minute porn video and Tsukishima could only ask for so much. They were naked inside five minutes and, for someone who claimed to have never even kissed a guy, the experimenting one looked pretty practiced at sucking dick, at least as far as Tsukishima knew. But by the time the video moved to the scene that had played at Yamaguchi’s house, with the expert fucking his friend over the back of a couch, Tsukishima was way past caring and his hand was way past his waistband.  
   
The fact that Yamaguchi had watched this before – the hope that they might both be watching this same video at the exact same moment – sent Tsukishima over the edge even faster than usual.  
   
When he was catching his breath and cleaning himself up, he realized Kaname probably had a point; Tsukishima had never been there when they were together. Not really, because no matter how much he pretended otherwise, he’d always been with somebody else.  
   
"Fuck," Tsukishima said out loud, with emphasis.  
   
*  
   
The next day at lunch, Tsukishima joined Hinata and Kageyama underneath the big shady tree where they all often met up during break. Yamaguchi forgot to bring anything, so he was stuck on the bread line, and Yachi needed to talk to a teacher and told Tsukishima to go on ahead.  
   
"We heard your boyfriend broke up with you," Hinata said.  
   
"Yeah, bummer," Kageyama added.  
   
Hinata gave him a sympathetic smile. Tsukishima fought the urge to slap that look off his face, then felt bad when Hinata added, "He didn’t deserve you anyway."  
   
Kageyama nodded. "He’s dumb."  
   
"It’s okay," Tsukishima said. He shrugged. "It’s not like we were getting married."  
   
"That’s funny," Hinata said and laughed. "Yamaguchi said pretty much the same thing when Mei-chan dumped him."  
   
Tsukishima didn’t answer because he didn’t know what to say to that. He was just opening his bento when Yamaguchi ran out and sat down next to him, out of breath and his face flushed. Tsukishima forced himself to look down at his food.  
   
Hinata, however, took the opportunity to yank hard on Yamaguchi’s sleeve. "Yamaguchi! Did you get a chance to watch everything I sent you yet? There was some _gooood_ stuff in there, even Kageyama said so."

"Some of the girls looked like athletes," Kageyama said, confirming exactly what Hinata had meant. "I like it when girls have strong legs, like they could crush my head with their thighs."

Yamaguchi and Tsukishima both stared at him. "Please," said Tsukishima after a moment, "never say that again."  
   
Kageyama shrugged, unbothered, and shoved an entire onigiri into his mouth, which was at once both impressive and disgusting.  
   
"I didn’t see," Yamaguchi told Hinata. "Tsukki sent me some links and I sent him one back, so I didn’t have a chance."

Hinata’s eyebrows went up. "But Tsukishima doesn’t like girls."

"True," Tsukishima agreed. He felt embarrassed by Yamaguchi’s admission, but he’d die before he let the idiot duo know that. "They weren’t ones of girls."  
   
"I don’t get it," Kageyama said. "Why would you watch a bunch of porn you weren’t interested in?"  
   
"I guess," Yamaguchi started, then stopped. He paused for a long time. "I guess because I was interested in it." He paused again. "I think I like both?"  
   
Tsukishima nearly got whiplash, his head turned in Yamaguchi’s direction so quickly. Yamaguchi lifted his head and briefly met Tsukishima’s eyes before looking down again.  
   
"Oh!" Hinata said. Tsukishima could tell he got it right away, and he thought not for the first time that sometimes he didn’t give Hinata enough credit.  
   
"Oh," Kageyama said. He considered this. "Okay."  
   
"Yeah, that’s cool," Hinata said. "But you should still look at what I sent you, too! You can’t let good stuff go to waste."

Yachi bounced up then, thumbs tucked under both of her backpack straps. "Hey, everyone." She pushed her bag off her shoulders and sat down. "You all looked so intense while I was walking over here. What are you talking about?"  
   
"Nothing," they all chimed in unison.  
   
*  
   
When the weekend rolled around, Tsukishima had nearly worked himself into a lather. One second he wanted to tell Yamaguchi how he felt, the next he resolved to bury it down deep forever because that was the easiest way for him to deal with emotions. But there was no guarantee that Yamaguchi returned his feelings; just because Tsukishima liked boys and Yamaguchi liked boys didn’t mean that Tsukishima was Yamaguchi’s type. Maybe Yamaguchi liked really muscular types, or tiny annoying loudmouths, or older guys. Tsukishima couldn’t be any of those.  
   
So he was stuck, ruminating, running through every scenario and coming up short. He had a way of getting caught in an infinite loop when he had no satisfying exit strategy. But still, it wasn’t an easy choice deciding between getting his heart broken and losing his friendship, or sublimating his feelings forever.  
   
Akiteru came up from Sendai to visit, and noticed that Tsukishima was out of it right away. During dinner on Friday night, he started poking his brother in his side like a three-year-old who wasn’t getting immediate attention. Then, he moved onto the sad puppy looks. Finally, he just showed up in Tsukishima’s bedroom doorway, tossing a volleyball up and down, and jerked his head in the direction of outside. Tsukishima sighed and followed him out.  
   
"I heard you and your boyfriend broke up," Akiteru said, bouncing the ball off the backboard of their basketball net and hunching down to receive it.  
   
Tsukishima, sitting on their stoop, huffed out an exasperated breath. "Did he take out a fucking skywriter? Everyone seems to know without me even telling them."  
   
"Tadashi emailed me," Akiteru said. Tsukishima sat up straight at the mention of Yamaguchi. "Don’t be mad at him for telling me. He was just worried about you, and it’s not like you ever let me know what’s going on inside your head."  
   
"I’m not mad at him," Tsukishima said, staring at the ground.  
   
Akiteru dropped the volleyball and came and sat down next to him. "That’s why I came home for the weekend, and I’m glad I did. You seem sad about it," he said. "If you ever need to talk about breakups, I – well, I’ve seen my share of breakups. It’s okay if it takes you a while to get over it."  
   
"I think I’m in love with Yamaguchi," Tsukishima blurted out, then blinked, astonished at what just had come out of his mouth.

"Ah," Akiteru said after a moment. It seemed like he was just as astonished by Tsukishima’s confession. "So, uh, not about the breakup then."

"No," Tsukishima agreed.

"Does he know?"

" _No_."

"Are you going to tell him?"

Tsukishima let out an exasperated breath. "What is this, twenty questions?" he asked. But after a moment, he admitted, "Maybe. No. I don’t know."

"Wow. Being in high school sure is tough, Kei," Akiteru said. "I’m glad I never have to do it again."

Some help his brother was. But Akiteru reached over and ruffled his hair, and for some reason, that made him feel better anyway.

*

 _busy?_ Yamaguchi messaged him a couple of hours later.

 _Sure, if staring at my ceiling counts as busy_.

Yamaguchi sent him a string of emoji sticking out their tongues, followed by a bunch laughing so hard they were crying. _ok i found some things u might like_. Five or six links came in all at once.

 _Sounds like you're the one who's been busy_ , Tsukishima messaged back. 

_yeah well had to return the favor_. 

About thirty seconds passed. Tsukishima pulled out his laptop and clicked on the first link. He paused it so he could grab his headphones, the image of a surly-looking blond guy filling the screen.

Then, Yamaguchi texted him again: _are you going to watch now?_

This made Tsukishima hesitate. It was one thing to send each other links. It was another to fantasize about the two of them watching at the same time and getting turned on by the thought of Yamaguchi getting turned on. But those were just hypotheticals. Yamaguchi knowing for sure that Tsukishima was watching porn and getting hard and probably masturbating at that moment was something else entirely.

 _Yes,_ he sent back. He was about to slip his headphones over his head when he got an incoming phone call. Yamaguchi. On the phone. For talking.

"What are you doing?" Tsukishima said instead of hello, trying not to let the panic he felt crawl into his voice. "I can’t listen to the audio through my headphones if I’m talking on the phone with you."

Yamaguchi let out a funny little fake laugh, an actual, "Ahahaha." Then he paused. "Can’t you just mute it? Or do you, like, need the audio for – for, um, it to work for you?"

"This is weird, Yamaguchi," Tsukishima said. "It’s weird, right?" 

"It’s weird," Yamaguchi agreed. "But I was just. Interested." Neither of them said anything for a moment after that; Tsukishima listened to Yamaguchi's soft breathing on the other end of the phone. "So?" Yamaguchi prompted. 

Tsukishima realized he was still waiting for an answer to his question. He reached under his glasses to rub at his eyes and muted his laptop. "I guess I don’t need the audio," he said.

"Okay, then I’m starting," Yamaguchi said. "Uh, the first link, I mean."

"I knew what you meant."

The scene this time was a locker room. From that and the basketballs both guys held under their arms, Tsukishima figured they were going for some kind of sports theme. Not that it mattered after a few minutes, though. The basketballs mysteriously disappeared and both guys stripped off their shirts. Tsukishima swallowed. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck, one of the guys had freckles all across his chest and shoulders, and he couldn’t tear his eyes away. When the other guy, the surly one, slammed him back against the row of lockers and pulled him out of his boxer shorts to jack him off, Tsukishima realized he was already pretty hard, a jolt of warmth running through his body as he watched the action on the screen. He jostled the phone so he could trap it between his ear and shoulder, and reached into his bedside drawer to get the lube he’d bought the other day.

He could just barely hear Yamaguchi on the other end of the phone, not saying anything, but making some shuffling noises in the background and breathing into his ear. Tsukishima eased his pants down and off as quietly as he could, and he’d just wrapped a slick hand around himself when Yamaguchi’s breathing got noticeably faster. The freckled one had just dropped to his knees on the concrete locker room floor, and the faster breathing turned into a gasp when the surly guy pushed himself into the other one’s waiting, open mouth.

Tsukishima pressed his ear tight to the phone and stroked faster, listening for another noise, any indication of what Yamaguchi was doing. 

In the movie, the dick sucking was wet and enthusiastic, and Tsukishima breathed out hard through his nose, holding himself with a tighter grip.

"Tsukki, what are you doing?" Yamaguchi asked suddenly, his breathy voice startling a sound out of Tsukishima. What was _happening_? This had gone way beyond weird territory.

"What do you think?" Tsukishima gritted out eventually. His face was so warm that he felt like his skin might catch fire.

"Just – just tell me," Yamaguchi said. "Please."

"I’m –" Tsukishima had to bite down on his lip to stop a moan from escaping. "I’m pretending I’m the one getting the blow job," he said, all in a rush. "With my hand… I just want to know how it feels."

Yamaguchi made a muffled sound then – it was a good sound, a _great_ sound in fact. It sounded like his fucking mouth was full.

"What was that?" Tsukishima asked.

There was a wet noise on the other end. "Sorry, Tsukki," Yamaguchi said, his voice low and rough. "I had my fingers in my mouth."

Tsukishima sucked in a sudden, sharp breath. He arched his hips off his bed, like Yamaguchi’s mouth was right there and waiting for him.

"I should hang up," Yamaguchi told him, panting heavily into Tsukishima’s ear. "I should, I know I should. I’m too close, this is already so weird, I don’t want to make this weirder for you, but it feels so good. You sound so good."

"Don’t go," Tsukishima said, moving even faster and hunching over. "Please. Please, Yamaguchi. It’s okay, it’s okay."

Yamaguchi moaned, long and broken, and it probably wasn’t very loud, but with his voice right in Tsukishima’s ear, inside his head, it sounded so loud and so good as he pushed himself over the edge. 

Tsukishima choked out, "You’re so hot, Yamaguchi," and shook and came so hard that some of it landed on his shirt collar, all the way up near his throat.

For a minute, they just breathed raggedly at each other. Then Yamaguchi said, very quietly, "Holy shit."

Tsukishima silently agreed.

"I need to see you," Yamaguchi decided after a moment. "I can’t wait till tomorrow, or school, not after that. Can we meet now?"

"Yeah," Tsukishima said, and swallowed hard. "But I need to change my shirt first. It’s a mess."

"Holy shit," Yamaguchi said again. "That has no right to be as hot as it is."

*

When Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were ten, they wanted to work out the midpoint between their houses. Yamaguchi thought they should count out the steps, but Tsukishima pointed out how inexact that was. Strides got bigger, legs got longer, and Tsukishima was taller, so his steps were already bigger than Yamaguchi’s.

Instead, he requested a paper map of the city and the two of them learned how to triangulate the exact spot. Akiteru walked in on them once in the middle of that project, and called Tsukishima a nerd for it. Tsukishima ignored him, but Yamaguchi had gotten mad, angry even, and insisted that Tsukishima was cool, so cool!

Just then, he didn’t feel very cool. Tsukishima was hot all over, running harder than he ever did during laps at practice. He felt disgusting, too, sweaty everywhere, but he didn’t really care; he just knew he needed to see Yamaguchi and he needed to see him _now_.

They spotted each other at a distance, close to the spot they worked out so many years ago, and they both paused. Yamaguchi looked as wrecked as Tsukishima felt, his mouth parted and his eyes wide. They both rushed forward and met in the middle; Tsukishima put his hands on the sides of Yamaguchi’s face and tilted up his chin. They kissed and kissed, right in the middle of the street, barely letting each other up for breath. Every kiss was the best kiss Tsukishima had ever had, and then another one would follow, better than the last. He didn’t know if he’d ever felt so present in a moment before, and he knew he’d have trouble ever letting Yamaguchi go.

*

A few days later, Kaname ran into them near the shoe lockers again. Tsukishima had his fingers tangled up with Yamaguchi’s, and he nearly reached out to pull Yamaguchi back when he stepped away to give Tsukishima and Kaname their privacy.

"That explains a lot," Kaname said, but not in a bad way. Tsukishima decided right then to change his name back to his actual name in his phone contacts. "Glad you figured out what you needed."

Tsukishima nodded stoically, but he caught Yamaguchi’s eye again then – no one but Tsukishima could see he was smoldering. The memory of the condoms he bought, hidden in his dresser next to the lube he’d last used during their phone call, popped into his head. 

There was no way those would make it to see their expiration date, he thought, as he hurried over to join Yamaguchi again.


End file.
